A few days ago, the drunk guy who lives upstairs (some of you have been lucky enough to see the photo of him in his underpants I found on the sidewalk and now keep in the top drawer of my Craftsman), drunkenly fell out of his shower and broke his toilet, which flooded ¾ of my space (because he was too drunk to turn off the water and/or alert the landlord).

On the bright side, however, none of my equipment was damaged/dampened (except for two little lamp shades which dried right up) oddly enough. Is that really fucking strange? Because I have quite a bit of equipment. Thank goodness for my awesome shelves, and racks, and the like! They totally saved the day!



But the carpet is totally fucked.

On the unlined side of the cloud however, about six months ago the girl who used to live in the apartment now inhabited by Drunken Underpants had a cat who ended up trapped in between her floor and my ceiling. She wasn’t a drunk, just really, really dumb and I know this for a fact because she used to date my brother. And that is proof of some sort of mental disability in and of itself. Really. Just ask my Mom. Anyway, the cat could have been in there for days before I rescued it—she was half starved and ate 3 cans of cat food after I got her out (I have pressed-tin cathedral ceilings and had to grab the cat around her neck and pull her out through a opening about the size of an orange--and she didn't scratch or even try to bite which shows what bad shape she was in because cats hate being yanked around by the head usually ...)

So when the water flooded the place, it ran through God only knows how much dried cat shit before hitting the carpet.

Yeah.

Fortunately, my landlord’s insurance is paying for everything and workers will be out tomorrow morning to tear up the carpet and set up fans. They estimated it would take about 3 days but we’ll see what they say after they actually see it. It’s not good but I don’t think it’s really that bad. I’ve done 3 sessions in the interim and nobody minded (at least they said they didn’t but I suspect that men folk sometimes just tell me what they think I want to hear). I just made everyone keep their shoes on and burned a shitload of incense.

So anyway. Shut down for the time being. Updates as they happen!

Kisses,
M

PS—I’ll be working on the sound-proof filming room in the basement while work is being done upstairs if anyone has free time to kill and would like to help. Big, big thanks to Black Magic Carl & Buffalo Bill who have volunteered much time & resources to the project already!

FYI - females have a much more sensitive sense of smell.
http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/04/sexsmells/

Irene

I once heard about similar findings on an NPR show. Women were asked to smell sweaty men's undershirts and pick the one they liked the best and something like 90% of the women preferred the same shirt. Conversely, men didn't seem to really prefer one over another. The differences between men and women are fascinating.

Like watching most men trying to walk in heels. I had that shite down by the time I was 12 and I know dudes who've been X-dressing for 20 years and still walk like impacted cowboys.

Kisses,
M

You are a most fortunately Lady not to have more damage. I'm sure too that the carpet guys are going to be telling stories about this job for a while, and won't even notice the residual kittie poo whiff.

Dear Mistress Miranda Ryder,

With all due respect ...

That sounds ghastly!

Ummm ... has anyone considered installing an emergency water shut-off valve in the apartment above your studio?

How many toilets does a drunken tenant need anyway?

Oh ... I see ... that MANY!

Until later, take care! :-)

Cheers and Very Respectfully,

surferdoc

Mistress Miranda Ryder,

So sorry you had to experience this unfortunate experience.

n earl

The carpet guys really didn't seem too impressed.

Right after the landlord fixed his toliet, I saw him vomiting out his window onto my roof.

Hooray! The studio is dry and stink-free!

The guys from service master removed the carpet in the "Mommy-Nook" (the little area where Mom hangs out and I have my make-up vanity) and in the sitting area. The rest of the carpet (75%) is fine and they have giant dehumidifiers set up.

Kisses,
M

The more you describe this guy, the more amazing it is that he was even in the shower in the first place. Perhaps that's where he sleeps.

MR,
My thoughts are: Now how do you get him out of there?
Surely, you can't just wait for the next episode...
teddy

Be careful of those machines. They can put tremendous stress on your electrical system. I had a re-ignite from my fire last year and the inspector suspected that the machines were the cause.

Irene

Me too. I was wearing 6 inch platform wedgies when I was 13.

Irene

A second dom upstairs for roman showers?

Irene

Oh no! Can't you get this guy get out of the house?

Dominant greetings
Mistress Shane

Dear Mistress Shane,

Since the owners of the building aren't too pleased with him, I suspect it's only a matter of time before he's evicted.

God only knows who'll move in next. Is Charles Manson up for parole this year? Isn't he from Ohio? Just my luck ...

Kisses,
M

I hear Barberton's own Frankie Spetich wants to use that apartment for practicing with his band:

Live from Lake Anna

I think he grew up part of the time around Cincinnati. Maybe Pete Rose will move upstairs too.

As long as a metal band is not going to rent the room to rehearse their songs .

Dominant greetings
Mistress Shane

Sucks but you managed to come out on top. Stupid drunk guy

Oh my word. I am so sorry you had to deal with this!!! I hope you saved up some of the reconstituted cat shit for him. Teehee.

Thanks, sweetie. Everything's been taken care of so don't be afraid to come for a visit!

Kisses,
M

Yes, Lydia, you should definitely visit. Mistress is kindly allowing me to store much of my wardrobe in her basement and it is now home to all those Gunne Sax blouses and frocks that you were so interested in.

Life has gotten so incredibly BUSY! I need to drop you a line with an update.

Jennifer! Yes! I still want to rummage through your Gunne Sax goodness!!!

You should definitly come to town. What a great duo you and Miranda would make to interrogate Agent 0014 :-)

Please allow me to rescind that statement: Not Jennifer Satin. Jennifer Satin has the gait of a runway model.

There. Now get your sparkley mary jane's off my tip, Ruffle-butt.

Kisses,
M

Holy snapping assholes, Batman! About a week ago (I think it was a week ago; as my personal assistant and day-planner Jen Satin will attest, what I possess in raw animal sexually, I totally lack in the sense of time department), I arrive at the door of my studio only to find Akron’s finest waiting for me. I know, right? And I wasn’t wearing socks so I had to swallow all my contraband (have you ever tried to swallow three dildos, a quart of lube, and half a bag of roofies? Oh wait, you probably have, ‘cause you’re a filthy whore …)

Anyway, they weren’t there for me, shockingly enough. They were looking for my upstairs neighbor, “Drunken Underpants.” Because, apparently, he likes to show his dick to underage girls (which explains why I kept seeing a whole horde of them walking by my surveillance camera and why you could hear “Drake” blasting from upstairs; sorry slave play-dough, looks like you’re going to have to re-write that musical … Ha-fucking-ha!)

Like the upstanding citizen that I am (also fuck pedophiles—I’d pay to show that cunt my dick), I took the heat around back to Underpants’ hovel in the sky. All his windows were open and you could hear him howling & sobbing like a little bitch. I guess he knew he was in trouble. Duh.

Around 15 minutes later, I checked my camera and all the cop cars were gone. I went out back and it was quiet as a graveyard. Two hours later, I went out back again and there was a gaggle of skinny teenage mothers hanging off the fire escape a block up, all in a frenzy about something.

Stupid Drunken Underpants … Everyone knows that Ohio girls will put your ass in prison like they're ordering off the Value Menu. They’re all totally mean except for me. I’m the nice one.

And how was your week?

Kisses,
M

Not as much fun as yours, from the way it sounds. I wonder which fine Ohio correctional facility he will be calling home. Surely too he will find all manner of large friendly men happy to show them their wieners too.

Dear Jim,

I certainly hope he'll end up in a facility abundent in weiner! While my previous post made light of the situation (I was really happy that Drunken Underpants got popped and that put me in an overly giddy humour), it really is a serious matter.

Today when I went I got to my studio, the skinny blonde teen-moms were sitting on my stoop, drawing on the sidewalk in chalk with their tiny cute blonde daughters and I talked to them for a few minutes. They're really sweet girls who seem to be trying really hard to make a decent life for their kids with the little they have (if you live above my studio, you obviously don't have any money whatsoever).

I don't think they should have to put up with that drunken naked fucker sharing a wall with them, so I'm going to make some calls and see what I can do with getting him out of there. If he comes back that is. Keep your fingers crossed!

On the downside, the landlord was planning on charging him for the cost of the damage done to my studio when he flooded it so if he doesn't come back they're totally going to get ripped off.

Oh well. If it's not one thing, it's another, right?

Kisses,
M

Perhaps he'll find this map of the world useful:


World Map for a Dumb Drunk Wiennie Waver